It's been awhile since I've written in here, not that I haven't thought about it, but it seems I find myself wanting to talk about a subject that is really hurting my heart right now. I guess I haven't been wanting to write about it because I just don't want to think about it, but I find myself thinking about it most of the time, so I guess I'll share it on here. Who knows, maybe someone out there will understand my problem, or someone else might be going through something like it and it will encourage you to know that you are not alone. So let me get to it.
I have two sons. They never did get along, and now that they are adults, they still don't get along, but it's not that they haven't tried. In their own ways, each at different times, they did try to reach out to each other, but it never really worked. So even though I know they love each other, they will never have a close relationship like I would like them to have, and like they would like to have. Their personalities just clash too much, I guess.
I've learned how to deal with this, so this is not the problem I'm going to talk about. It's my youngest son.
It seems he has always found life difficult and hard to deal with. He has always felt sorry for himself, never learned how to laugh at himself, and seems to seek drama. One of the ways he keeps drama in his life is just by taking off and not letting any of his family know where he is. He's done this several times now, and eventually comes back. He definitely is my prodigal son. His dad and I have learned how to deal with the pain he causes us when he does this. He always claims it's not because of us, but that he just has problems that he needs to deal with on his own. Okay...I get that. I'm not one of those mom's who is smothering. If my sons want space, I give it to them, but his way of running off all the time is ridiculous!
As I said, I can deal with how it makes me feel, but now he has gone and run out of his 4 (soon to be 5) year old son's life! HOW DARE HE! His ex-wife is allowing us to continue to see our grandson, so I still get time with my grandson and each and every time he is with me, he breaks my heart by telling me how he misses his daddy. The last time we were together, he asked me if I still missed Daddy. I, of course, said yes. He was close to tears when he asked me.
He has lost his first two teeth, and is so excited about this, and can't even share this sweet life event with his own dad, because apparently Daddy is too worried about himself to be here for his own son!
So my problem is, I don't know how to deal with the pain that he is causing my grandson.
It's just not right. But what can I do, except keep my son in my prayers, and continue to be there for my grandson. I have two other grandsons by my oldest son, and I praise God that he is a good Christian man who treats his family right.
I love them all...
